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rachaelgrey
Which summer read will be in your beach bag?

this summer, i'm re reading the Gemma Doyle series. (: i think it's kinda  become tradition for me to read it every year. there's only three books, but they speak to me so amazingly. (: it'll take me maybe two weeks to read the whole series, so i don't know what i'll read after that. (:

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does MY life hinge on that of my sister two years younger than me? just like last entry, i feel stuck. and this time it's because of my sister. i want to go see MY boyfriend who lives four hours away, and there's actually a chance of THIS relationship lasting. and i ALMOST had a yes. then my sister asked if she could go see her loser boyfriend who has no stability, an alcohol problem, an unstable and untrustworthy family, next weekend, and my mom, logically and as to be expected, said no it wasn't gonna happen. she's SIXTEEN and wants to go to fresno, to see her boyfriend that no one likes, who doesn't know for sure where he's gonna sleep at night or if he's gonna be going to someone elses house the next day, and who has NOTHING going for him. i am NINETEEN, my boyfriend lives in hanford which is the same area, he's in a stable home. with a stable family. a family that my family knows and trusts. and he's a good guy that my parents love.

i see really no reason as to why the heck it's fair for me not to go because my sister can't. if anything it's fair because they KNOW his family and KNOW i'm gonna be safe. there's a million reasons why i can go and she can't. COME ON.  i don't want my life, relationship, or anything else to revolve around my sister complaining. if she did ANYTHING around here i could see something going for her. but she doesn't she just wants out. i actually WORK here. i graduated. and she's bummin it and complaining.


so again,

WHY does my life hinge on my little sister?

Current Mood: disgusted.

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and i'm stuck. i hate it. i have everything i could ask for, and so many people elsewhere don't. so many people HERE don't. a lot of them have nothing. i am a Christian. i really know nothing else. i am smart in books, and in my beliefs. but i know nothing of other religions or cultures, i know snippets of how other countries live. i want to learn. i want to see it. to experience it, to read it, smell it, touch it, taste it. i want to see the world, and be a part of it. i don't want to be trapped here. but i am. i can't go anywhere, because my boyfriend wants to go with me, but i can't take him with me til he graduates. probly not even then.  i can't go anyway, because of my family. my gramma would have a heart attack if two of her grandkids are out of the country, and my mom would die of insanity, because i'm the only thing keeping her sane. >.< i have very precious few friends here, and the only ones i will really miss are my mother and my boyfriend. >.< i feel trapped here. i feel ignorant, unlearned, sheltered. i can't find the answers i want, and i can't DO anything from my bedroom. i feel like i NEED to leave. i NEED to get out of here.    but i can't. i have no way to do so.  i'm stuck.

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Current Location: my bedroom, looking out my window.
Current Mood: trapped

If you discovered a new planet, what would you name it?
i'd name it PLUTO.   but that's me.  lol

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